Aren't you tired of hearing the phrase and one day things changed? Well, I won't say that, but I'll tell you that things didn't change, I did. It was like my lifestyle had been taken from me because I no longer felt like belonged where I was. It was just another party with the same kind of people, the same typical drinks, and the same type of drunkenness and highs. I was more then sober this time, I was uncontrollably alert and I couldn't stop analyzing everybody. My friends kept asking me why I wasn't drunk and at first I had no way of answering that question, but then it's like an old, but faintly familiar voice in me answered before I could say I don't know. "I don't want to be like my dad." My friends were of course to drunk to comprehend, but my best friend Bree knew better and stared at me intently as if she thought I was going to break down at any given moment. I didn't break down though, but grabbed my jacket and purse, and left the party. When I got home, I went to my room and instinctively grapped my laptop and started typing the word Luka Dean in google search. His facebook page popped up and I sat there staring at his face for what felt like hours and I felt absolutely nothing. I closed the top of my laptop and climbed into bed, instantly falling asleep. When I woke up that morning I felt nothing and that's when I realized that love didn't exist for me anymore, only numbness and life. Life would always be here.
I didn't ask to fall in love, none of us do. It just happens. When I look back at it all, I still remember being pissed not so much happy. You see, my friends all assumed that I had finally found the one when Luka came around, but they were so wrong and blinded by what we had pretended to be. He had been the sweetest and most sensitive guy before I had gotten to know him and realized that his poetry only came to him when he was too high to collaborate with reality. I never told him that I loved him and I guess I will always have my dignity in that section of a relationship, but my actions spoke of what I could never say. I loved him and he knew it. It was written all over my face.
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